Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Walks By.

Good lord is it me.... smh i so ashamed haven't been on here in a min.. but i'll be back very soon. cpu got a virus.. nd laptop act crazy.... so much to say... so little time to tell but i will spend every second tellin yu.... ttyl... chow.

Friday, September 10, 2010

missin

caught up w/ my thougts not in a bad way tho.... alot stuff goin on havnt spoke in four days thats a new record.. im tryna do me. make myself more better, i see he doin the same, dnt get me wrong my love is so strong for him.. i just need my space... like he wrote earlier on fb,, time & space is everything you give me that i'll give yu the world... lets see how this goes... he's miles away right now nd all i can think about is gettin this new job... nd a part of me wishes i was laying nxt to him. smellin him,touchin him. everything thing bout him.. time will tell. good nigth,.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Another thought another day.

Hmmm where do i start....


laying down think, wondering,feeling.
Today i was hoping would be a good day. but know me nd how lifes going for me now. i doubt alot of things lately....


i ran across a converstation that change my life forever. me as a person etc...
it was the first converstation we ever had.... that was the day i thought would never end... i went from being depressed. to having butterflies in my tummy.

Hearing his voice at first i was ready to put him in my friend catergory...thn as our convo progress i realized how much we were alike. how well we went together... never felt that way before bout anybody.... that made me nervous..


meeting him was a nervous morning. i woke up early. figured he forgot till i got his txt. asking was i ready... nd from then on i said yes..


flash forward almost a year later.... so many mixed emotions, half -ass convo, lil mis trust, pain, forgiveness, the i Love you's..... the not responsives txts. to the calls just to hear eachothers voice. to the late night txting. to the fb status....


i miss him alot... i miss waking up to his good moring txt..his random txtin thur out my day.. i miss his random subs for me on twitter. i miss being his baby.. now i dnt know where i stand in his heart.. nd that right there breaks my heart. wish we could just be happy....

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Brief Visit.

At once im here.... well technicaly im not. my computer is actin really slow so its hard for me to blog anything which pisses me off.... i been wantin to reconstruct my pg for a while its just that everytime i try my computer freezes... and im rarely on the laptop.. ima try it on there one of these days i promise... im reading blogs mostly.. ima get back to commentin them alot of yu blogs help me out in alot of ways.. so i guess im thanking you also...so much as taken places im mean not much but its fair share..... i broke my nail yesterdayy. blahhh. lol.... ima keep this post short... im around readin new blogs. new bloggers old bloggers... i'll be commentin soon.=) Chow.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A New Beginning

Sooo with alot of thought... i decide to leave my hometown of NYC.... sighs to much drama & stress so ima pack my bags nd endure this cold world.... i'll keep yu posted... im sooooo excited.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Ugh Blank.

its so much i want to say maybe not cause now that im sittin here i dnt have much to say.... i know this i feel like ima alone in every aspect of the word...
well this how my day went... woke up at like 3 in the am as usual.. bored wantin to talk. but no one of intrest to talk to,so i listen to my blackeberry till i doze off again. man when i tell yu my mind be gone it seriously do... i know deep down. i be wantin to call him.but then i always change my mind due to that fact i hate rejection as in gettin his voice mail or him upset that i called him at that hour of night... sighs. i wish i knew his real thoughts on me im preparin myself for him to tell me he dnt want nothin to do with me.. i keep tryna prepare but i know if i heard that i would be devasted...but then again im always sayin im fed up with him..imnever talkin to himagain then one of us contacts one another... evrytime i go to speak my mind to him. i freeze up nd my moment past. damn what am i to do... i even spoke to my idk ex i suppose.. yea ummm he wants to see me but i hate to front i rather spend my time with my boobie. but i feel boobie dnt wanna be around for the moment. nd this breaks my heart.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Lasting Love

A Poem By Yours Truely... Feelings From My Wonderful Night W/ Boobie.



I Love Him So Much That It Hurt. Which Slowly Turned Into Hate. Cause I Hate To See Him Go. But I Love The Way He Stole My Heart Like a Sweet Thief in The Night.I Dnt Know Weather To Call Him a Saint Or A Sinner.But W/ Me You'll Never See Him Sink.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Trey Songz-"We Can't Be Friends" I wish we never did it. Nd I wish we never loved it. Ndi wish I would have never fell so deep in love. Lost my homie/friend nd lover!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Layers Of Me.. Thanks To Jupiter's Own.

Snatched W/ Appreciating From @Jupiter's Own =)

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Cherei.
Birth Date: November 14th.
Current Location: On My Bed...In THIS Apartment...
Hair Color: Brown.
Righty/Lefty: Righty.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Missing Out On LOVE..
Your dream of the perfect date: Being W/ Someone I LOVE.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: "Why Am I Missin HIM This Bad?."
Your best physical feature: Ummmm,My legs...But Ppl Say My BREASTS!.
Your bed time: Dependin On My Mood.
Your most missed memory: Laying Up W/ HIM All Day.. Betta Yet When We First Started Talkin. Aimin For 9 Hours Straight...Then Jonesin For Another 3 1/2 Hours On The Phone.=D

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Ummm. IDK! Like Juice.
McDonald’s or Burger King: Can't Decide. Lol.
Single or Group Dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: Dnt Wear Sneakers That Much.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: NOT! Caramel Frap Please..LOl.=D

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: Nope. Im High Off Life.
Cuss: Lol. Sometimes.=X
Take showers: Damn near three times a day.
Have a crush: Couple. But In/Love W/ ONE.
Like school: Never the FCKIN Day.

Believe in yourself: Sometimes. Varies Dependin on My Mood.
Believe what goes around comes around: Yes. Karma Is My Motha Fckin B*TCH.
Believe everything happens for a reason: Yes.
Think you’re a health freak: Sadly No.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yup. W/ my Big Sis.=)
Been on stage: Ugh. No.
Eaten sushi: Nope...
Been hurt: Physically.? Yes. By Dellz. Lol. Mentally, spiritually.? Yesssss.='( Every Fckin Min...FCKKKKK!
Dyed your hair: No.=( Goin to Tho.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: He He He. When. Lol.=X
Kissed the same sex: WTF??? Not romantically. As In The Cheek.
Gotten beaten up: ...Sadly In the 7th Grade.Dumb Btch Snuck & Tryed Catch Me Off Guard. Jealous Ass Btch.
Changed who you were to fit in: I've Always Been The One Who Just Happen To Joke Her Way In.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: Yes.Hopefully. By 25.. But a Girl Can Only Dream right.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: Four. HMMMMM WTF???...Maybe.

LAYER 9: IN A GUY.
Hair color: .... IDK. As Long as Its Neat.
Short or long hair: IDC.. But Im Lovin Short. Cesar Fade.UmmmmHmmmm DAMN!
Fat or fit: FIT! To Small To Be Smushed.
Looks or personality: Caramel Complexion.=D 5'11-6'0, Dark Brown Eyes. Charmin Smile..Full Ass Lips. Funny Sarcastic,Driven,Smart... Ahh Damn Descibin HIM..='(
Fun or serious: Both. There's A Time Nd Place For All.
Best Eye Color: Brown.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: BBMIN Dellz.
1 HOUR AGO: ReApplyin My Make-Up.
1 WEEK AGO: W/Him.. =(
1 YEAR AGO: Finding Out Ways To Successfully Graduate. Lol.


LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: Blank. & It hurts.=/
I HATE: Liars.
I HIDE: My Emotions.Feelings.
I NEED: Some Real Ummmmhmmmm LOVE. =(
I LOVE: Myself. My Chicas.Dellz & Tiara... Nd Last But Never Least My Boobie... ="(

Friday, August 6, 2010

A LOVE thats lost......My Letter.

I'm not gonna say I'm giving up.. just can't take it anymore. yu see at one time i thought it was just yu & me.. to then find out there was others.. i use to think your words were for my ears only. just to find out that they were directed to another.. yu say yu love my smile. soo why have yu taken it from me.... your words offend me.. leave my heart once again bruised nd in tears... my pillow stays wet. my eyes always have bags.. sleepless nights like last night filled with my cry as i play sad love songs.. my friends say i should stop putting myself thur this... but tell me how can i.... how can i possibly have fallin in love....yu see it was beyond good every time we are together.. i dread the moments when we say bye... i crave your touch, your lips. (laughs To Myself) how yu say my name.. but then a pain in my heart.. attacks like ima 50 yr old man havin a heart attack. i feel all the pain come back from the weeks. yu force me to realizes i wasn't who yu wanted.. i was no longer the girl yu called Baby....when i look at yu now.. i can't help to think when I'm near yu.. yu wishin she was there instead of me.. but what bout me. was i not there when yu needed me.. the first to give when yu needed something.. for yu to just forget.. yu say yu love me.i hope its not in vain. i can't help but think was i just another nut to yu... just like some of the other girls. but yet why am i still here.. why???? why do i cry when im all alone. why when i see a couple walkin down the street.. i cross the street in envy.. wishin that was me... I'm not a selfish person yu see i gave yu all i had.. or maybe even half.. if i had a 20 yu got 10. if i had a dollar yu got 50 cent.. is that not what yu suppose to do when yu love some one... last night i bearly stood up while I'll showered cause i let the water hit my face to blend in with my own salty tears.... sighs.. alot of ppl say every thing i write sounds depressin now... i use to think that if we was together.. i would be happy again.. but now i just dnt know.. dnt get me wrong i love yu with all heart... the question is do yu even love me like yu say yu do at all.. I'm not sayin i give up just sayin yu want space i"ll kindly step away...as i write tears run down my face. cause now i know the true meanin of LOVE LOST......='( i wrote to much but hopefully someone reads thiss maybe even yu.....

Thursday, August 5, 2010

nothin to say just alot on my mind as usually..... i'll be back later. maybe in a better mood. but then again i doubt that...cause im goin thur it.... sheesh why me???????? =/

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

My Letter To My First Love.

Dear "J" ...Boobie,


Its so much i want to say you in person......But i can't. I mean you like my best friend, of course yu my lover... so much has happen between us that i wouldn't have wanted to share with no one else. We go well together. but i guess yu dnt wanna see that... yu think im to good for yu i think im just right with yu.... yu think yu dnt make me happy. yu made me the happiest. even threw all the bullshit nd unnecessary shit you've put me threw.. why is it i love yu just a lil more every day... i think of the song.Usher-"Can Yu Help Me."nd my first thought is yu... then i play "Heartbreak Hotel." nd think of yu with so much hate... why do i cry so much over another human.. i always wonder do yu even notice.... or am i ust another girl yu say I LOVE YOU too... sighs... lord knows how much i wanna be with yu.. but he also knows im not sittin around long for yu to realize the blessin he has givin yu in me... I LOVE YOU. but my mind dnt trust ya actions. yu know the sayin goes.. your action speak louder then your words.... make me know that loving yu is not a complete waste... "A "J" On Heart."-Cherei

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day by day im gettin it together.... God Works in mysterious ways... cause only God knows what i've been thinkin..... chow.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

(Naked) Truth....

Sheeesh i never thought i would ever be able to voice my opinion Like this but i guess soo here i go....



Im STUCK. Im A Fool In Love, A Heart-Broken Girl,A Undercovered Bitch.....


my life has lil to no success everything i want seem to always never go my way.. to the point i feel like shutin out the world nd cryin till i crawl up and die...
but some part of me will not allow me to do that soooo.I Wont Im Gettin My Shit Together One way Or Another...... im in loveee nd i mean i got the shit bad.. cause no matter what im always ready for him... but then again i am very sensitive the lil thing make me nervous.. i mean the floor fell in before whos to say it been buit back. or it won't happen again... sighhhhhs i wish i knew the right way to go about it .. ima just fall back nd let time solve my issue...CHOW.

Friday, July 30, 2010

(Sighs)

Slowly, nd i mean slowly I'm learnin a better way of life.. a way of life that's just for me... i remember alot its some things i wish never happened to me. but i come to realize trials nd tribulations make you the person you are today... i give alot just to get little back.. my confidence is rocky.. one minute I'm all bout me. I'm more pretty than others then that fcker name insecurity sneaks up on me.. my love life sucks ass cheeks. like nothing ever seems to go my way i guess that's life... it took me this long to realized that... I'm so disappointed bout that. I'm really concentrating on bettering myself one day at a time right..but i know that at the end of the day i really have no one to share my day with at least the person i wanna share it with.. without being to clingy to him. i say little since i dnt wanna get my feelings hurt again.. in reality its crazy how much he makes me happy. but i wonder is that true or is that just what my hearts wants. i also realize today. i have another heart feelin the same pain..=( nd i thought that would make me happy hearin that. but it doesn't ... I'm not that heartless Thank God... i at least want thing to go well for me i keep wondering if its around the corner for me just to get there and nothings there i guess i have to wait my turn.. sad case of lovin... day by day i struggle with my inner demons . i just hope that i can exscape them since i have them for so long...... CHOW.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Breathing In Life.

Soo i Seein Better Days Over The Hill. Glad I Held On For so long. With Love Nd Etc... Smiles Go A Long way... BRB Tho...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

For the Sake.

Okay... So ima finally speak on my life issues....


First Nd Foremost.. Im Fckin Tired Of IT!

I think i atract jack-asses... i mean ima sweet-heart yet i always fall for these cocky sucka ass boyss. not men. the ones that want one thing then flip flop like a bitch...


okay so theres guy 1 this ass... think he know so much.. but dnt know shit... he always tryna prove some untrue shit. he a super odee flip flop... he a bitch in digust.. i swear everytime i think about him my body tense up in disgust. ewww how could i every LIKE him.. well that was short lived... i really have no feelings toward him.. nd he will be come a forgotten thought... like that....




guy 2.... hmm where do i start with this one... what can i say i fell in love... it was unexpected. i mean even through every tear i dropped over him. i still love being around him... something bout him that seems to just fit with me . like our convos are great ... but something missin that i want.. i just dnt think ima wait so long this time to go get it... i can't take another heart break....

Found My Place In A Cold World Almost

Sometimes i think im not ready for certain shit that always to pop off... ha ha ha its funny cause physcially my body waitin for me... my mind draw blanks from time to time. slowly i know its almost over so in some ways im at peace with things... sigh... ima smile now...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

i dnt know how im feelin at the moment give me a sec....

Saturday, July 3, 2010

I DNT KNOW IF IM COMPLETELY BACK.. OR JUST VENTIN EITHER OR. IM HAPPY. BUT PISSED OFF ALL AT ONCE IM TIRED OF PPL ALL TOGETHER JUST LOOKIN AT PPL FACES PISSES ME OFF..... I KNOW ITS A CRAZY THING TO SAY.BUT THATS HOW IM FEELING RIGHT BOUT NOW... DAMN.. FROM BEING NICE TO ONE COLD PERSON JOIN THIS WORLD. HOPE I GET THIS JOB... CAUSE AS SOON AS THAT HAPPEN PPL GOINNA BE ASKIN WHY???? UGHHHHH ENOUGH WORDS I'LL BE BACK.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Short Hatitus .... Im Happy Tho.=) Be Back Soon...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Walking Thur CLOUDS

Sooo. Im SICK. x___X Nooooo!!!!
Nd Its So Fckin NICE in Nyc. Oh Well Im Enjoying My Time Alone....=D
Cause Im Plottin On Some Shit. (Ha Ha Ha) Evil Laugh<-- LOSER THOUGH.
Any Who i Realized My Blog Feels So DAMN Depressin.. Ahhh Man Time to Change That. Listenin To Some Calmin Music Slighty. Nap In A Few???... So Much Funny Ish Is Happenin Right Bout Now. Usually I Would Have Cryed Bout 4 Times Already.. But im As Cool As Can Be. No TEARS!!!! Yay Me... Can't Wait For JULY!!!!!!!!!! Some BIG Plans For That. Ima Just Go With The Flow Nd Take Heads While Im Going. Im On a Hatius From Facebook.. Nd Any Other Social Site.. For A Sec... The Only Thing Ima Be On Is My BLOG Yay!!!!!!!! That Means More POST. Whoooa Bytches. LML.=D I Think It The Meds Talkin... Ima Add New Pics Up Soon. Ohhh Yea Got A JOB...=D Well See How This Goes. Tryna Get Better Right Now So CHOW.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Not Enough WORDS To Much To Understand

im such a fckin good person... but damn why do i continue to get hurt. i would go thur fire for certain ppl in my life.... but the question is would they do the same for me... damn i feel myself dyin i just havnt told anyone.... i feel like im screamin but everybody actin deaf.... sometimes i feel so alone and at times i need a hug. but i guess to others i dnt deserve either... i HATE feeling like my best wasnt good enough. when all yu did was show me your worst... man fck this im done!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Fightin AIR.

Ughhhh. I Dnt Know How I Feel Right Now. Im Waitin for Something I Just Dnt Know What It Is Or When Its Comin.... Is Like I Wanna Be InLOVE. I Just Dnt Wanna HURT. Better Yet Have To Fight For It. im Tryin My Hardest To Protect My Heart & Feelings. They Just Not Listenin To Me.=/ So GREAT. Im At A Cross-Road... I Want Someone To Help Me. I Just Dnt Know Who To Go To.... Im Not Feeling Well But Yet It's A Beautiful Day Outside.So Many Cook-Outs Going On. I Wish I Felt The Way The Day Is Looking. I Need T.L.C. Makin Some Pasta For Myself. Nd Then I'll Decide What I Want To Do..... I Wish I Was Happy With Him Right Now. Instead. It Feels Like Im Going Thur Hell. Nd He No Where To Be FOUND.='(

He Loves Me He Loves Me Not...

OMFG! DAMNNNNNN. Just as i wrote my last post he txts me.... we start jokin as usual. than i say "Lol.Yu Love Me???" Nd damn he has yet to txt back... that hurt like hell. i can't even cry i think my tear ducks are broken or something.... ='''( the worst thing yu can do is give some one silence to a yes or no question... i would have like a response... im just so hurt man i never thought i would be going thur this..... smh i m gone.............

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Unstopped LOVED

Damn i think i spoke to soon on that last post. smfh! as soon as i thought some good was comin back to us. he once again proves he could GAF about me. nd if he do so called care or love me has a fck up way of showin it.like come on. all i ever did was care nd love for him. i never had nothin negative to say or share.like damn no disrespect. no fck that i do mean to disrespect. how the fck yu say one thing nd do some nxt shit. that really blows mines to the nxt level. but time nd time again my love stays strong. nd only keeps growin..how come you hurt the person that cares bout yu the most don't get me wrong I LOVE MYSELF 1ST & FOREMOST IN LIFE. but damn when i finally decide to show my feelings i get somebody ass to kiss. like damn i dare not look for men. even when i go out with my girls. when i do talk to someone i put ppl in a group like ooh yu just a friend or a potential. i NEVER went lookin for no man. but damn i never seem to be in a relationship. like damn thats crazy. im so fckin depress right now. i been cryin nd shit.. im in so much pain i just want it to stop.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Letter To A (LOVE)

Dear, Love


With everything we have been thur.. i would never want you to go away.... even the pain you cause my heart i have never gave up on you.. as long as my heart beats i will always Love You... you are My 1st Love.... many ppl would say im to young to say that.nd say leave you alone you are no good for me. but i know you are meant for me. you bring a happiness to me i never knew was there you make me smile so fckin hard.. you make me sad at times so much my heart aches... your touch is like silk to my body. not for nothin you saying you Love Me too. Made my heart stop beatin nd skip...best day of my life. to know that you are some what feeling the same. makes me know that everything im doin is not a waste.. The Day My Life Changed 10-11-09..With All My Heart Nd To The J On My Heart.... I LOVE You Boobie..5-22-10 muahhh!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

IDkkk!

Whatttt! Ima a Fckin Slacker I Tell Yu. Suppose To Been Done With My Blog. But Procrastinated.. Sheesh. So I'll just Work On It Every Chance I Get... Ugghhhh I Need Nd Want A New Blackberry. I LOVe Mines But It SUCks Always Updatin Nd Deletin Stuff. Soooo. I Guess Ima Be Spend 177 To Get A New BB 9700!!!!! Nd The Camera Sucksss Bout To Use My Digital To Take Photos. ... Blahhhh BBL!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Something Like New....To Old

Sheesh Where Do I Start......


I Was thinking Bout Startin a New Blog.. Maybe A Sister Blog To This One. Aww Can Yu Believe That This On Is 1 Yrs Old.=D With All My M.I.A. Moments.. Nd DRAMA. Im Still Bloggin Today Was Slightly a Good Day... It Would Have Been Better If I Would Have Seen HIM...



Yes Yes I Know Alot Ppl Think Im Dumb To Still Wanna Be Around Him. Since He Hurt Me.. Nd At Times I Tell Myself That. But At The Same Time.. I Can't Seem To Let Him Gooo. Not On Some Fatal Attraction BullShit. But Just Being With HIM. I Can't Even Stop Smilin When I See Him... Its Like i Feel Brand NEW. I LOVE The Way He Touches Me. I Love The Way He Speaks To Me. =) In My Eyes He Can Do No WRONG. Even Tho It's Reality That He Has....


Never In My Life Have I Felt Like This... Bout Somebody. I Feel LOVE But At The Same Time I Feel Pain Cause DAMN He Not MINES..=( When I Be Thinkin Bout Stuff i Be Wantin To Call Him Nd Share With HIM. When I Haven't Heard From Him I Get Worried. When Its Nice Out I Wanna See Him. Spend The Day With Him. Cuddle With Him... But DAMN Reality Hits Me BAd.. Cause He NOT Mines... Nd I Have No Right Actin Like His Girlfriend When Im Not. So I Must Hide How I Really Feel. So That My Feelings Won't Come Across So Strong.. I Sometimes Have To Act Like I Dnt Care When I Do.. Some Times I Must Ignore Things I See ..... At Times I Can't Even Think Straight. Sometimes I Feel Like Cryin... Sometimes I Even Feel Like Laughin....



I Miss the Old Days Like Hell. If I Could Have Those Back Better Than Ever... I Would Be So Grateful...
I Figure Some Shit Out Tho.. It Seems Like Every time I Try Nd Go Start Something NEW With Another Guy It Always Turn Sour Nd Me Nd The Guy Never Work Out So Then Im Back To Being Alone.. Being Push Back Into His Corner.. IDK If He Seems Happy With HER. I Really Dnt Want Details. Cause It Hurts to Much... The Most Unselfish Thing I Will Ever Say Is.. If SHE Makes Him Happy In Ways That I Can't. Then So Be It. Even If It Hurts Me Like Hell. All I Want Is For Him To Be HAPPY. Nd That Right There I Think Is TRUE LOVE.....

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Day without Voice..

................... Damn Tryna See How Ima Word My Thoughts. To Much On My Mind....

Monday, May 17, 2010

UNDER CONSTRUTION

BLOG UNDER CONSTRUTION UNTIL FRI. ADDIN COMMENTS. JUST SO MANY. I HAVE READ THEM ALL THE THANKS FOR YA INPUT.ND PRAYERS.. I'LL BE BACK LATER. WORKIN ON FIXIN THE BLOG..........

Friday, May 14, 2010

Sheesh I Dnt Know How to Feel Right Now. im BLANK.... .. Until Next Time... CHOW!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

K.A.R.M.A A B*****

So.. like i feel like my lifes a soap opera... some good things have come out of my heart-break tho... i met a NEW guy. We'll call him Babe....=) he makes me smile i talk to him alot he know s about my past he wants to start some thing new with me im excited this feels right. ... unlike my apple-head i will always love him maybe in the far future we would be us again but for now. im lookin for a new somebody this just maybe it....=) be back later im txtin The Babe..

Monday, May 10, 2010

Jay Said It BEST...

From Jay-Z "Lost One" With a Lil Twist ......



'Cause what He prefers over me, is Her
And that's, where we, differ
So I have to give Him
Free, time, even if it hurts
In time He'll mature
And maybe we, can be, we, again like we were
Finally, my time's too short to share
And to ask Him now, it ain't fair
So yeah, He lost one...


Every Word Touch On How Im Feeling..... Jay-Z Always Says It Best....

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Changin Up!

Give Me a Sec...... Changing Up The Blog. To Go With My Lifestyle. Smellin Like Summer.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Computer Lovin....











"PHOTO BOOTH " AT MY HOUSE....... WEBCAM LOVIN..

Nd So It Goes...

shit shit shit shit!!!!! ughhhhhh.i swear yesterday i must have been a damn fool..... ugh why did my ass go see him. knowin darn well what his intention was. nd i fell for the dumb shit to... FCK! okay so i had a WEAK moment over him.... never eva will i do some dumb shit like that again.



okay so for the moment he got the best of me. well fck it. it was the first day of summer yesterday.... so i guess GAMES ON!!!!!!


letting the sun hit my face. fck it i live in the BIG Apple. bound To Find someone Who Wants Me. Lol.=) Updates Allll Dayyyyyy Until Plans Fall upon Me.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Me,Myself & I

Whoaaaaa. Can't Believe I Had A WEAK moment. SMFH So Much Better than that.... Started blasting Jay-Z.... Games On Now First Day Of Summer. Lets Goooooooooooooo.=)

Cries

everytime itell myself i hate him... my heart hearts cause i know its not true .... i miss him so bad. i seen him today. so much has changed. i tryed to say how i was feelings but i could'nt im so mad at myself right now. i let him get the best of me....i wonder if he know how much pain im feeling now....... im crying now i'll be back i can't write no more...='(

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

UGH F**k Relapsed A (LIL)

Soooooo... My ass relapsed today nd cryed ...i was in a good ass mood this mornin today. fck. then my ass txt him.. for what reason idk. oh yea i wanted some DAMn closure. like how yu just play me like im shit. yu out ya fckin mind... he lost my TRUST! IDGAFLYINFCK what girl he talkin to... when i want closure give it to me live your life . i'll most def live mines.... got me actin out of character nd shit.. i suppose to be happy now wasted 7 1/2 months of my life just to come out of it cryin HELL NOOOOO! Karma A Btch. watch. im far from pity.. so ima let life take its toll on his asss. ima blogg the rest of the night. i need my happiness back. bout to read nd comments some blogs...



PEACE....

Monday, May 3, 2010

Day 4... a (LIL)Light at the end.

Just when i Was Doin A Lil Better.... a Txt Comes saying "Morning Luv" -- From HIM. Hmphhhhh!!!! I Miss These Words. I Would Have Love Hearin Baby tho.-__-


so i went along with it. with sayin mornin... i didnt want to seem so eager... but i was type HAPPY. but not tryna get myself to hype... sheesh why when i work hard for something. it never seem to work in my favor. someone always reaping the rewards of my hard work....

Anyways we ask the usual.. "How Are Yu." What Yu Up To." " What Yu Doing Today" well That last One He ask Me I told Him Modelin My New clothes i Just Bought. Lol. We laugh He Said He Wanted To See. At first I was like IDK... Then He Was like What Yu Saying i Can't See Yu. i Said Yes Yu Can See Me. then He said he would Probably Past Thur my House Today...



is That a Lil hope. Just a Bit. but Then again What I hope to Happen will Never come.... -___-



Why Can't He Be MINES??????

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Day 3... Feeling On the UP.

Listening to Method Man Ft MJB- I'll Be There For Yu/You're All i Need To Get By.



This song Makes me feel good. slowly replaying it. listenin to every word... feeling it deep down in my heart. i feel this song was made for me....


Today Im going Shoppin alone.. Feeling Like i Need That T.L.C Right Bout Now. Sheesh. So Much i was Thinkin bout txtin Him.. hav'nt talked in 2 days... even though i miss him like crazy i thought i should give us much needed space.


in my heart im hoping we find each other again. but my mind telling me our time has pasted...

i keep Thinking Bout All Our good times.. Puts a Smile on My Face. Then a sharp pain comes to my heart. nd i think about the current issues going on. i wish this was a bad dream. i haven't cryed since Thursday. which is good. im done crying.


i never knew a person could make another person feel this way. i keep askin myself "is he Thinking Of Me Like Im Thinking Of Him?" I Hope He Okay. Even thur all this i still Love him. Just a Lil Bit on Not trustin Him like I use to...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Day 2.... Content.. BOREDUM

So this is day 2 of my lil adventure off of Cloud nine... i can't say that my thoughts are not on him or that would be a lie..... sheesh never thought someone would stay so close to my heart after bruisin the shit out of it...


today's a beautiful day. but once again i made plans with someone nd they flaked now im pissed with nothing to do... sheesh this suppose to be my growin moment. i suppose tryna do more things everyday to keep my mind off the matter at hand..


He Seems to have moved on... so i guess i should to... even thought we have yet avoided talkin bout anything.. everything is sorta left in the air .. at a stand still. right now i feel like somethings wrong on his side i wish i could be there for him but im tryna give us space....


..... can't wait to classes start... sheesh 14 days.. then i would be think bout other things.... unlike me MISSING HIM...

Friday, April 30, 2010

Day 1... Happy.=)

So it took me a Whole week. in counting 7 full days to get over a 7 1/2 month Fling. Now im not saying its not a thought on my mind. i just came to the conclusion that HIS Happiness Is Not Mine To Have.. i realizes this is truely a life lesson. one to grow with nd not to forget but to remember so that i won't make this mistake again.... dnt get me wrong he truely is a good guy. with a good heart just a lil off track at that moment finding himself.... i dnt blame him for any heartbreak or tears i've cryed. he has some what turned into my best friend. nd i love him dearly. nd would be there for him. just not in a romantic way anymore. maybe in the future but as of right now we are JUST friends we can still hang. no problem. i would not intfer in any of his relationships. nd i hope he would do the same....


for a week i just cryed... txtin him was hard. some of the things he said should not have been said at that moment. cause my state of mind was off. nd not once did i curse his name. all i ask was WHY?


i some what think he knows the pain he cause because we have yet to see each other in the physical. for the past week. nd everytime we do make plans to meet something always seems to come up. which is funny. i have to laugh cause its sorta cute. but in all we both have to face our issuse... i have to let him know whats on my mind. cause i need to grow from this.. it's crazy at this very moment im actually smiling . just cause i made myself happy.



OMG. CHEREI ACTUALLY HAPPY.=) no lie it finally feels good to let all my pain go... now waiting for the right guy to come along. maybe today or nxt week. or nxt month.or even nxt year. all i know is that Cherei loves herself more than any man could ever love her.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Fights Between My Heart & Mind.

So i must be confused or crazy... cause lately i havnt been thinking with my mind but more on what my heart been going thur. my heart needs to be in a ER somewhere.... its beat up.. but it still beating nd its still loves HIM. But Why??? in my mind im blacking im cancelin everything. they not agreein on nothing....




pass few days have been the most heart-breaking times in my life. if someone would of told me i would feel like this. the day i met him. i would have ran .. never thought he would hurt me so bad.. i cry about it i try my best to sleep it off but i got so many memories it haunts me in my sleep.


i wonder do he think bout me do he even care bout me. i thought he did. for the pass 3 days we ain't been talking the same.. nd it hurt so bad. smh... it's been days i wanted to curse him out. nd then it's days i just wanna cuddle with him. i wish this was a bad dream. cause this right here ain't feeling to good.



i swear i never love someone so much than i do him. i want to be with him so bad. but ... something is holdin him back. for the past 7 months he has made me happy. kept me smilin.... he dnt understand. he won't talk to me like really sit down nd talk to me.

i hate crying. but my heart hurtin so bad.but still my love is strong nd i still have hope but why. i want them good days back..... BACK TO THOSE JUPITER LOVE Days.I Miss My Love,=(


i know i lost my best friend,my lover, my capo....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Once In a Lifetime

Now Playing- USHER- U Got It Bad.




I Really Do. I Stop Going Out Not Cause I Can't. I Just Rather Spend My Time With HIM.
I Have Changed My Plans Just To Spend Time With HIM.
When We Not Talkin. My Whole Day Seems To Be A Wreck.


He Like My Smile. Nd When He Leave It Goes Wiht HIM..

Dnt Get Me Wrong I LOVE Myself MORE Than ANYTHING.

I Just Got It BAD.

{FAST}PAIN...Dies Slow.

........


I Dnt know where to start... my mind just keep movin. emotionally i can't keep up......
i think i cry myself to sleep for the past two months. =/ i guess im tryna think clearer by cryin since it's so rare to me.....

i never thought i would feel the way i do now... smh.......

i seen something i dnt think i was suppose to see...
for a while i felt a sudden change in My Love. shit was changin. them mornin txts stop comin from him first. lil nicknames were rare nd far between. i held on tho.. what can i say i truely fell i found my love.



i seen HER picture... nd all i could say to myself was What Bout Me???? My Feelings Were Bruised. what had i missed. what happened to us... Why Was Someone Takin My Love From Me...... But Yet I Told Myself Thur Thick & Thin Im Standin My Ground. I LOVE HIM JUST THAT MUCH.I Wonder If He Know..

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Crazy Glue the Piece

soooo. lately all i tweet. blog or speak about is LOVE. i keep thinking bout it to the point of silence. i care to realize that somethings are a blessing in disgust....

Monday, April 12, 2010

Tha L- Word

Love is not simply it takes time to grow. nd mature. if yu feel yu have a good thing dnt give up on it. work it out till theres no more workin out... trust nd believe if yu lookin for love. love could have already found yu. it's just waitin for yu to realize it......

a {run} A way

Sometimes i Feel NUMB. just like a picture in a FRAME. just a moment take it in just a thought from my brain like a tear from my eye that has dried. like a long awaited sleep. a nightmare that wont end. a dream that will never come. Take it in and Just BREATH..........

Sunday, April 11, 2010

UNSPOKEN Like Infidelity

So i never cheated before... but when i did lose interest in a person. i usually told them to they faces. nd then go M.I.A. cause i dnt wanna discuss why I'm doin such a thing....



In Reality I never had a real relationships. more like flings that went wrong.... my heart has been beat up. stomp on.broken. into pieces. till the point of not no longer beatin correctly.. hmmm such a shame. right. i come to deal with it in silence. stayin to myself... but now that has changed... this one person who came it to my life when i was in one of my numbin stages. warmed up a spot in my dead heart nd started it beatin. as we continued our lil thing. with yet no commitment. i grew to appreciate nd cherish this. to the point my heart started feelin funny a week ago...



every time i would talk to him or see him. touch him. my heart skipped beats. i would be afraid to say certain things. his opions started matterin to me. he is the closes person to ever be allowed to get that close to me... nd all while this is happenin me being blinded by this new feeling. he lost interested or so i assumed. actions speak louder than words.... nd i started hearin my heart break very slowly. .. lately i been in pain so bad... to the point of numbness. I'm in a blank stage of my life. i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. i use to have so much hope in us. now its a ? mark....



do i still believe there could be a us..... well of course. I'm in love...but at the same time. I'm becomin a broken heart lost soul..... i told him.. nd i use to be able to tell what he would say. but now I'm so confused. my feelings have took over...


i hate how this is going. why can't i have what everybody else seems to be havin... the worst pain known to mankind is LOVING SOMEONE ND NOT KNOWIN IF THEY LOVE YU BACK THE SAME... everyday the pain hurts more nd more. i want it to stop. so i sleep my days away. but damn how i still dream bout them. to the point of wakin me up at night. i sit nd think to myself alot. what can i do to fix this. i come up with blanks.... I'm just so tired.. mentally,physically,emotionally................

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Incomplete.

i swear i belive im boarderline crazy... like everything in my life is incomplete. i feel like i been in the same spot for the past 9 months of my life. nothin every seems to stay good. its like buyin a glass vase. yea it may look pretty but look a lil closer nd the shit got a damn crack in it. so yu know its just a matter of time before the shit breaks....


im always tryna find happiness in all the wroung places. i keep thinkin bout what i want. instead of what i need..smh. i look for a love. but yet i hate majority of everything. i put a smile on my face. cause i hate for ppl to ask whats wrong... i like to keep my feelings to myself. i admit i am a very stubborn person. but IDGAF in words.ppl always hurt other ppl to make themselves feel better.



ventin like a motherfcker.......

Friday, March 26, 2010

With love Came Hurt.

this keepin things to myself ain't helpin me no more. sheesh when i thought it would it doesnt i have a up nd down life once im happy it seems like its just for a second. i envy girls in relationship cause i always give some of my all just to be turned away. its crazy such a sweet person lie myself i really anna know how ppl see me. lately all i do is cry. nd cry. my heart is hurting badly. im afraid to say what i feel cause i dnt know if the out come would be good or bad. this men does some amazin things to me. he makes me smile. he makes me laugh. he makes me feel even more beautiful. he makes me comfortable. but he also makes me feel like my self value is low. he pushes me away. he hurts my emotions bad. he controls my heart but not my mind. i cant hel but think about him. i want him to be with me. but imafraid he doesnt want the same. im tryna show him just what i mean, im here for him i will always be here. i jus want a chance. yes i do want a relationship never been in a real one. smh.but yet again im still young. something bout him i just can't leave as much as ppl say i should... ima take a leap of faith nd go for it cause with love comes hut.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

No Comment...

Where have i been????? Today not even a good day to be bloggin.. im to mad right now. just thought i'll check in.... i'll be back soon hopefully. -___-

Monday, February 22, 2010

Kick.Pow BanG!!!!! Im Back.

Okay Okay.... Im BACKKK!!!=)


Sorry For The Delay.. Its Just I Gotta Be In The Mood To Log In & Write.. i Have So MUCH To share With yu. Ima Do Some New things To The Pg. Nd in General To Keep Me Blogging... Okay Here's My Update. Pics & All Enjoy.... Chow!!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

With A Leap... LOVE.

I'm On a Emotional rollercoaster.. i feel at times im alone... but when yu look at it im not.... i see things for what they can not be nd not for what they are.. im ready to open my eyes. nd stare love in the eyes.. even tho it scares me.. nd can potential hurt me.. it makes me feel so good... i feel it coming... nd im ready.. im no longer a child.. ima bout to take that leap.. watch me goooo....

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fallin...

UGHHHHHH. Why Is God Doin This To Me??????

why has he allowed me to fall in love... with a stranger... =/ i hate havin it only in one way.. nd not both... i hate showin my feelings.. i feel like cyin every min.. cause shit never seem to go right for me... like there's always a pro nd con to everything i do... Ugggh. i beeb thru enough hurt break.... it feel like my heart is turnin numb.. nd it hurt like hell.


Ima goosd person why is this happenin to me... why am i never happy. why can i see the sun light.. i front about my feelings... never really tell him how i really feel cause im terrifeied of rejection.... i feel like he playin with my emotions. or testin me to see if im real there to stay... nd i am i dnt wanna leave.. he makes me sooo happy.. im bout to break down nd cry... im tryna stop typin but my mind won't stop movin.... life seem so cold...



i just wanna be in his arms.. i have'nt seen him in a week nd it feel like forever...what has he done to me....never felt like this. i know he cheated in his past.. but i still wanna be with him... im here. but why... it's like my mind tellin me to let go.. but my heart tellin me to stay.. every time i talk to him.. i feel the lump in my throat... but yet i put a smile on my faces.....



I wana tell him soo bad.. but i think he knows... i can't talk any more...... Bye.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Cautious Of A Fall.

I swear my life is like a domino effect. its like when one thing is going good everything else falls into place..... but when shit hits the fan. or i hit rock bottom. everything comes crashin down.. its like my life is a movie with out a title. like i can never figure out what my cause to my effects are.. if that make any sense.. as of right now im writing what ever falls out my mind. on to the screen....




I dnt want to say im scared of life jus very confused at all its measures... i dnt know whether im suppose to be happy or sad.... it's crazy... its like my mind nd my heart are common enemies. nd im caught in the middle.... But i have wonderful ppl in my life that won't let me sink... hopefully. i see it that way to.....

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

When Is Enough.ENOUGH...

When is enough.ENOUGH ????


That question been on my mind since the new year started... nd i have yet to find a answer to is...
im really thinkin hard about it.. some stuff to me makes no since........Hmmmm. to be continued...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Looking Back???

my past was nothin but a headache... nothin but pain brought to my life.... i dnt choose to turn back.. or look back... if i left something there.... it was meant to stay there..

Something like that.








When i Was Lil i Wanted a Lovin Relationship Like Mattel's Barbie& Ken.TM... then as i grew up i realize that they where all ways gonna be perfect.. cause they not real...










Then as i got older i wanted a relationship like Will & Jada.Real. Down The Earth...But then They A Lil More Public with Their Relationship....










Then i wanted a Jay-Z & Beyonce Relationship... Very private but Still You Can See the Love...








Then i Grew Up.. nd Stop Dreamin.. nd hit my own reality....I'll Make My on Great relationship... this time With Me & Mine's.....=)

Lites Tha Fire...

ever been told not to touch something when you was younger...but ya ass touched it any ways... like the sayin says "curiosity killed the cat".. i say ha ha ha that what yu get for just bein nosey... wrong but so true... trust i have my share of dnt do's but instead i do it.. nd some times the consequence are bad. trust got scars to remind me that everyday.. damnmit i was hard headed....

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Sum Fotos...







Ready.. Pt. O1

Im Ready O2 Bear my Heart,Mind,Soul.....
It's Been a Min but..i Need to Release some Issues....
i Always say im Back But then I go M.I.A. So im not gonna say Im Bac... ima just Bear My Heart When i feel the need O2 i can't even keep up a proper way of writin but fuck it... im not perfect.. neva was..... trust its all raw.. at least i think.... are you ready cause i am......

My Lifes Lessons



Ahh, who wanna bet us that we don't touch leathers
Stack cheddars forever, live treacherous all the et ceteras
To the death of us, me and my confidants, we shine
You feel the ambiance, y'all niggaz just rhyme
By the ounce dough accumulates like snow
We don't just shine, we illuminate the whole show; you feel me?"-Jay Z (Dead President)Reasonable Doubt {June 25, 1996}<