Sunday, May 30, 2010

Fightin AIR.

Ughhhh. I Dnt Know How I Feel Right Now. Im Waitin for Something I Just Dnt Know What It Is Or When Its Comin.... Is Like I Wanna Be InLOVE. I Just Dnt Wanna HURT. Better Yet Have To Fight For It. im Tryin My Hardest To Protect My Heart & Feelings. They Just Not Listenin To Me.=/ So GREAT. Im At A Cross-Road... I Want Someone To Help Me. I Just Dnt Know Who To Go To.... Im Not Feeling Well But Yet It's A Beautiful Day Outside.So Many Cook-Outs Going On. I Wish I Felt The Way The Day Is Looking. I Need T.L.C. Makin Some Pasta For Myself. Nd Then I'll Decide What I Want To Do..... I Wish I Was Happy With Him Right Now. Instead. It Feels Like Im Going Thur Hell. Nd He No Where To Be FOUND.='(

He Loves Me He Loves Me Not...

OMFG! DAMNNNNNN. Just as i wrote my last post he txts me.... we start jokin as usual. than i say "Lol.Yu Love Me???" Nd damn he has yet to txt back... that hurt like hell. i can't even cry i think my tear ducks are broken or something.... ='''( the worst thing yu can do is give some one silence to a yes or no question... i would have like a response... im just so hurt man i never thought i would be going thur this..... smh i m gone.............

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Unstopped LOVED

Damn i think i spoke to soon on that last post. smfh! as soon as i thought some good was comin back to us. he once again proves he could GAF about me. nd if he do so called care or love me has a fck up way of showin come on. all i ever did was care nd love for him. i never had nothin negative to say or damn no disrespect. no fck that i do mean to disrespect. how the fck yu say one thing nd do some nxt shit. that really blows mines to the nxt level. but time nd time again my love stays strong. nd only keeps come you hurt the person that cares bout yu the most don't get me wrong I LOVE MYSELF 1ST & FOREMOST IN LIFE. but damn when i finally decide to show my feelings i get somebody ass to kiss. like damn i dare not look for men. even when i go out with my girls. when i do talk to someone i put ppl in a group like ooh yu just a friend or a potential. i NEVER went lookin for no man. but damn i never seem to be in a relationship. like damn thats crazy. im so fckin depress right now. i been cryin nd shit.. im in so much pain i just want it to stop.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Letter To A (LOVE)

Dear, Love

With everything we have been thur.. i would never want you to go away.... even the pain you cause my heart i have never gave up on you.. as long as my heart beats i will always Love You... you are My 1st Love.... many ppl would say im to young to say that.nd say leave you alone you are no good for me. but i know you are meant for me. you bring a happiness to me i never knew was there you make me smile so fckin hard.. you make me sad at times so much my heart aches... your touch is like silk to my body. not for nothin you saying you Love Me too. Made my heart stop beatin nd day of my life. to know that you are some what feeling the same. makes me know that everything im doin is not a waste.. The Day My Life Changed 10-11-09..With All My Heart Nd To The J On My Heart.... I LOVE You Boobie..5-22-10 muahhh!

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Whatttt! Ima a Fckin Slacker I Tell Yu. Suppose To Been Done With My Blog. But Procrastinated.. Sheesh. So I'll just Work On It Every Chance I Get... Ugghhhh I Need Nd Want A New Blackberry. I LOVe Mines But It SUCks Always Updatin Nd Deletin Stuff. Soooo. I Guess Ima Be Spend 177 To Get A New BB 9700!!!!! Nd The Camera Sucksss Bout To Use My Digital To Take Photos. ... Blahhhh BBL!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Something Like New....To Old

Sheesh Where Do I Start......

I Was thinking Bout Startin a New Blog.. Maybe A Sister Blog To This One. Aww Can Yu Believe That This On Is 1 Yrs Old.=D With All My M.I.A. Moments.. Nd DRAMA. Im Still Bloggin Today Was Slightly a Good Day... It Would Have Been Better If I Would Have Seen HIM...

Yes Yes I Know Alot Ppl Think Im Dumb To Still Wanna Be Around Him. Since He Hurt Me.. Nd At Times I Tell Myself That. But At The Same Time.. I Can't Seem To Let Him Gooo. Not On Some Fatal Attraction BullShit. But Just Being With HIM. I Can't Even Stop Smilin When I See Him... Its Like i Feel Brand NEW. I LOVE The Way He Touches Me. I Love The Way He Speaks To Me. =) In My Eyes He Can Do No WRONG. Even Tho It's Reality That He Has....

Never In My Life Have I Felt Like This... Bout Somebody. I Feel LOVE But At The Same Time I Feel Pain Cause DAMN He Not MINES..=( When I Be Thinkin Bout Stuff i Be Wantin To Call Him Nd Share With HIM. When I Haven't Heard From Him I Get Worried. When Its Nice Out I Wanna See Him. Spend The Day With Him. Cuddle With Him... But DAMN Reality Hits Me BAd.. Cause He NOT Mines... Nd I Have No Right Actin Like His Girlfriend When Im Not. So I Must Hide How I Really Feel. So That My Feelings Won't Come Across So Strong.. I Sometimes Have To Act Like I Dnt Care When I Do.. Some Times I Must Ignore Things I See ..... At Times I Can't Even Think Straight. Sometimes I Feel Like Cryin... Sometimes I Even Feel Like Laughin....

I Miss the Old Days Like Hell. If I Could Have Those Back Better Than Ever... I Would Be So Grateful...
I Figure Some Shit Out Tho.. It Seems Like Every time I Try Nd Go Start Something NEW With Another Guy It Always Turn Sour Nd Me Nd The Guy Never Work Out So Then Im Back To Being Alone.. Being Push Back Into His Corner.. IDK If He Seems Happy With HER. I Really Dnt Want Details. Cause It Hurts to Much... The Most Unselfish Thing I Will Ever Say Is.. If SHE Makes Him Happy In Ways That I Can't. Then So Be It. Even If It Hurts Me Like Hell. All I Want Is For Him To Be HAPPY. Nd That Right There I Think Is TRUE LOVE.....

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Day without Voice..

................... Damn Tryna See How Ima Word My Thoughts. To Much On My Mind....

Monday, May 17, 2010



Friday, May 14, 2010

Sheesh I Dnt Know How to Feel Right Now. im BLANK.... .. Until Next Time... CHOW!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

K.A.R.M.A A B*****

So.. like i feel like my lifes a soap opera... some good things have come out of my heart-break tho... i met a NEW guy. We'll call him Babe....=) he makes me smile i talk to him alot he know s about my past he wants to start some thing new with me im excited this feels right. ... unlike my apple-head i will always love him maybe in the far future we would be us again but for now. im lookin for a new somebody this just maybe it....=) be back later im txtin The Babe..

Monday, May 10, 2010

Jay Said It BEST...

From Jay-Z "Lost One" With a Lil Twist ......

'Cause what He prefers over me, is Her
And that's, where we, differ
So I have to give Him
Free, time, even if it hurts
In time He'll mature
And maybe we, can be, we, again like we were
Finally, my time's too short to share
And to ask Him now, it ain't fair
So yeah, He lost one...

Every Word Touch On How Im Feeling..... Jay-Z Always Says It Best....

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Changin Up!

Give Me a Sec...... Changing Up The Blog. To Go With My Lifestyle. Smellin Like Summer.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Computer Lovin....


Nd So It Goes...

shit shit shit shit!!!!! ughhhhhh.i swear yesterday i must have been a damn fool..... ugh why did my ass go see him. knowin darn well what his intention was. nd i fell for the dumb shit to... FCK! okay so i had a WEAK moment over him.... never eva will i do some dumb shit like that again.

okay so for the moment he got the best of me. well fck it. it was the first day of summer yesterday.... so i guess GAMES ON!!!!!!

letting the sun hit my face. fck it i live in the BIG Apple. bound To Find someone Who Wants Me. Lol.=) Updates Allll Dayyyyyy Until Plans Fall upon Me.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Me,Myself & I

Whoaaaaa. Can't Believe I Had A WEAK moment. SMFH So Much Better than that.... Started blasting Jay-Z.... Games On Now First Day Of Summer. Lets Goooooooooooooo.=)


everytime itell myself i hate him... my heart hearts cause i know its not true .... i miss him so bad. i seen him today. so much has changed. i tryed to say how i was feelings but i could'nt im so mad at myself right now. i let him get the best of me....i wonder if he know how much pain im feeling now....... im crying now i'll be back i can't write no more...='(

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

UGH F**k Relapsed A (LIL)

Soooooo... My ass relapsed today nd cryed ...i was in a good ass mood this mornin today. fck. then my ass txt him.. for what reason idk. oh yea i wanted some DAMn closure. like how yu just play me like im shit. yu out ya fckin mind... he lost my TRUST! IDGAFLYINFCK what girl he talkin to... when i want closure give it to me live your life . i'll most def live mines.... got me actin out of character nd shit.. i suppose to be happy now wasted 7 1/2 months of my life just to come out of it cryin HELL NOOOOO! Karma A Btch. watch. im far from pity.. so ima let life take its toll on his asss. ima blogg the rest of the night. i need my happiness back. bout to read nd comments some blogs...


Monday, May 3, 2010

Day 4... a (LIL)Light at the end.

Just when i Was Doin A Lil Better.... a Txt Comes saying "Morning Luv" -- From HIM. Hmphhhhh!!!! I Miss These Words. I Would Have Love Hearin Baby tho.-__-

so i went along with it. with sayin mornin... i didnt want to seem so eager... but i was type HAPPY. but not tryna get myself to hype... sheesh why when i work hard for something. it never seem to work in my favor. someone always reaping the rewards of my hard work....

Anyways we ask the usual.. "How Are Yu." What Yu Up To." " What Yu Doing Today" well That last One He ask Me I told Him Modelin My New clothes i Just Bought. Lol. We laugh He Said He Wanted To See. At first I was like IDK... Then He Was like What Yu Saying i Can't See Yu. i Said Yes Yu Can See Me. then He said he would Probably Past Thur my House Today...

is That a Lil hope. Just a Bit. but Then again What I hope to Happen will Never come.... -___-

Why Can't He Be MINES??????

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Day 3... Feeling On the UP.

Listening to Method Man Ft MJB- I'll Be There For Yu/You're All i Need To Get By.

This song Makes me feel good. slowly replaying it. listenin to every word... feeling it deep down in my heart. i feel this song was made for me....

Today Im going Shoppin alone.. Feeling Like i Need That T.L.C Right Bout Now. Sheesh. So Much i was Thinkin bout txtin Him.. hav'nt talked in 2 days... even though i miss him like crazy i thought i should give us much needed space.

in my heart im hoping we find each other again. but my mind telling me our time has pasted...

i keep Thinking Bout All Our good times.. Puts a Smile on My Face. Then a sharp pain comes to my heart. nd i think about the current issues going on. i wish this was a bad dream. i haven't cryed since Thursday. which is good. im done crying.

i never knew a person could make another person feel this way. i keep askin myself "is he Thinking Of Me Like Im Thinking Of Him?" I Hope He Okay. Even thur all this i still Love him. Just a Lil Bit on Not trustin Him like I use to...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Day 2.... Content.. BOREDUM

So this is day 2 of my lil adventure off of Cloud nine... i can't say that my thoughts are not on him or that would be a lie..... sheesh never thought someone would stay so close to my heart after bruisin the shit out of it...

today's a beautiful day. but once again i made plans with someone nd they flaked now im pissed with nothing to do... sheesh this suppose to be my growin moment. i suppose tryna do more things everyday to keep my mind off the matter at hand..

He Seems to have moved on... so i guess i should to... even thought we have yet avoided talkin bout anything.. everything is sorta left in the air .. at a stand still. right now i feel like somethings wrong on his side i wish i could be there for him but im tryna give us space....

..... can't wait to classes start... sheesh 14 days.. then i would be think bout other things.... unlike me MISSING HIM...

My Lifes Lessons

Ahh, who wanna bet us that we don't touch leathers
Stack cheddars forever, live treacherous all the et ceteras
To the death of us, me and my confidants, we shine
You feel the ambiance, y'all niggaz just rhyme
By the ounce dough accumulates like snow
We don't just shine, we illuminate the whole show; you feel me?"-Jay Z (Dead President)Reasonable Doubt {June 25, 1996}<