Ugh Blank.

its so much i want to say maybe not cause now that im sittin here i dnt have much to say.... i know this i feel like ima alone in every aspect of the word...
well this how my day went... woke up at like 3 in the am as usual.. bored wantin to talk. but no one of intrest to talk to,so i listen to my blackeberry till i doze off again. man when i tell yu my mind be gone it seriously do... i know deep down. i be wantin to call him.but then i always change my mind due to that fact i hate rejection as in gettin his voice mail or him upset that i called him at that hour of night... sighs. i wish i knew his real thoughts on me im preparin myself for him to tell me he dnt want nothin to do with me.. i keep tryna prepare but i know if i heard that i would be devasted...but then again im always sayin im fed up with him..imnever talkin to himagain then one of us contacts one another... evrytime i go to speak my mind to him. i freeze up nd my moment past. damn what am i to do... i even spoke to my idk ex i suppose.. yea ummm he wants to see me but i hate to front i rather spend my time with my boobie. but i feel boobie dnt wanna be around for the moment. nd this breaks my heart.

Layers Of Me.. Thanks To Jupiter's Own.

Snatched W/ Appreciating From @Jupiter's Own =)

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Cherei.
Birth Date: November 14th.
Current Location: On My Bed...In THIS Apartment...
Hair Color: Brown.
Righty/Lefty: Righty.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Missing Out On LOVE..
Your dream of the perfect date: Being W/ Someone I LOVE.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: "Why Am I Missin HIM This Bad?."
Your best physical feature: Ummmm,My legs...But Ppl Say My BREASTS!.
Your bed time: Dependin On My Mood.
Your most missed memory: Laying Up W/ HIM All Day.. Betta Yet When We First Started Talkin. Aimin For 9 Hours Straight...Then Jonesin For Another 3 1/2 Hours On The Phone.=D

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Ummm. IDK! Like Juice.
McDonald’s or Burger King: Can't Decide. Lol.
Single or Group Dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: Dnt Wear Sneakers That Much.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: NOT! Caramel Frap Please..LOl.=D

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: Nope. Im High Off Life.
Cuss: Lol. Sometimes.=X
Take showers: Damn near three times a day.
Have a crush: Couple. But In/Love W/ ONE.
Like school: Never the FCKIN Day.

Believe in yourself: Sometimes. Varies Dependin on My Mood.
Believe what goes around comes around: Yes. Karma Is My Motha Fckin B*TCH.
Believe everything happens for a reason: Yes.
Think you’re a health freak: Sadly No.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yup. W/ my Big Sis.=)
Been on stage: Ugh. No.
Eaten sushi: Nope...
Been hurt: Physically.? Yes. By Dellz. Lol. Mentally, spiritually.? Yesssss.='( Every Fckin Min...FCKKKKK!
Dyed your hair: No.=( Goin to Tho.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: He He He. When. Lol.=X
Kissed the same sex: WTF??? Not romantically. As In The Cheek.
Gotten beaten up: ...Sadly In the 7th Grade.Dumb Btch Snuck & Tryed Catch Me Off Guard. Jealous Ass Btch.
Changed who you were to fit in: I've Always Been The One Who Just Happen To Joke Her Way In.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: Yes.Hopefully. By 25.. But a Girl Can Only Dream right.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: Four. HMMMMM WTF???...Maybe.

LAYER 9: IN A GUY.
Hair color: .... IDK. As Long as Its Neat.
Short or long hair: IDC.. But Im Lovin Short. Cesar Fade.UmmmmHmmmm DAMN!
Fat or fit: FIT! To Small To Be Smushed.
Looks or personality: Caramel Complexion.=D 5'11-6'0, Dark Brown Eyes. Charmin Smile..Full Ass Lips. Funny Sarcastic,Driven,Smart... Ahh Damn Descibin HIM..='(
Fun or serious: Both. There's A Time Nd Place For All.
Best Eye Color: Brown.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: BBMIN Dellz.
1 HOUR AGO: ReApplyin My Make-Up.
1 WEEK AGO: W/Him.. =(
1 YEAR AGO: Finding Out Ways To Successfully Graduate. Lol.


LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: Blank. & It hurts.=/
I HATE: Liars.
I HIDE: My Emotions.Feelings.
I NEED: Some Real Ummmmhmmmm LOVE. =(
I LOVE: Myself. My Chicas.Dellz & Tiara... Nd Last But Never Least My Boobie... ="(

A LOVE thats lost......My Letter.

I'm not gonna say I'm giving up.. just can't take it anymore. yu see at one time i thought it was just yu & me.. to then find out there was others.. i use to think your words were for my ears only. just to find out that they were directed to another.. yu say yu love my smile. soo why have yu taken it from me.... your words offend me.. leave my heart once again bruised nd in tears... my pillow stays wet. my eyes always have bags.. sleepless nights like last night filled with my cry as i play sad love songs.. my friends say i should stop putting myself thur this... but tell me how can i.... how can i possibly have fallin in love....yu see it was beyond good every time we are together.. i dread the moments when we say bye... i crave your touch, your lips. (laughs To Myself) how yu say my name.. but then a pain in my heart.. attacks like ima 50 yr old man havin a heart attack. i feel all the pain come back from the weeks. yu force me to realizes i wasn't who yu wanted.. i was no longer the girl yu called Baby....when i look at yu now.. i can't help to think when I'm near yu.. yu wishin she was there instead of me.. but what bout me. was i not there when yu needed me.. the first to give when yu needed something.. for yu to just forget.. yu say yu love me.i hope its not in vain. i can't help but think was i just another nut to yu... just like some of the other girls. but yet why am i still here.. why???? why do i cry when im all alone. why when i see a couple walkin down the street.. i cross the street in envy.. wishin that was me... I'm not a selfish person yu see i gave yu all i had.. or maybe even half.. if i had a 20 yu got 10. if i had a dollar yu got 50 cent.. is that not what yu suppose to do when yu love some one... last night i bearly stood up while I'll showered cause i let the water hit my face to blend in with my own salty tears.... sighs.. alot of ppl say every thing i write sounds depressin now... i use to think that if we was together.. i would be happy again.. but now i just dnt know.. dnt get me wrong i love yu with all heart... the question is do yu even love me like yu say yu do at all.. I'm not sayin i give up just sayin yu want space i"ll kindly step away...as i write tears run down my face. cause now i know the true meanin of LOVE LOST......='( i wrote to much but hopefully someone reads thiss maybe even yu.....

(Sighs)

Slowly, nd i mean slowly I'm learnin a better way of life.. a way of life that's just for me... i remember alot its some things i wish never happened to me. but i come to realize trials nd tribulations make you the person you are today... i give alot just to get little back.. my confidence is rocky.. one minute I'm all bout me. I'm more pretty than others then that fcker name insecurity sneaks up on me.. my love life sucks ass cheeks. like nothing ever seems to go my way i guess that's life... it took me this long to realized that... I'm so disappointed bout that. I'm really concentrating on bettering myself one day at a time right..but i know that at the end of the day i really have no one to share my day with at least the person i wanna share it with.. without being to clingy to him. i say little since i dnt wanna get my feelings hurt again.. in reality its crazy how much he makes me happy. but i wonder is that true or is that just what my hearts wants. i also realize today. i have another heart feelin the same pain..=( nd i thought that would make me happy hearin that. but it doesn't ... I'm not that heartless Thank God... i at least want thing to go well for me i keep wondering if its around the corner for me just to get there and nothings there i guess i have to wait my turn.. sad case of lovin... day by day i struggle with my inner demons . i just hope that i can exscape them since i have them for so long...... CHOW.

For the Sake.

Okay... So ima finally speak on my life issues....


First Nd Foremost.. Im Fckin Tired Of IT!

I think i atract jack-asses... i mean ima sweet-heart yet i always fall for these cocky sucka ass boyss. not men. the ones that want one thing then flip flop like a bitch...


okay so theres guy 1 this ass... think he know so much.. but dnt know shit... he always tryna prove some untrue shit. he a super odee flip flop... he a bitch in digust.. i swear everytime i think about him my body tense up in disgust. ewww how could i every LIKE him.. well that was short lived... i really have no feelings toward him.. nd he will be come a forgotten thought... like that....




guy 2.... hmm where do i start with this one... what can i say i fell in love... it was unexpected. i mean even through every tear i dropped over him. i still love being around him... something bout him that seems to just fit with me . like our convos are great ... but something missin that i want.. i just dnt think ima wait so long this time to go get it... i can't take another heart break....

I DNT KNOW IF IM COMPLETELY BACK.. OR JUST VENTIN EITHER OR. IM HAPPY. BUT PISSED OFF ALL AT ONCE IM TIRED OF PPL ALL TOGETHER JUST LOOKIN AT PPL FACES PISSES ME OFF..... I KNOW ITS A CRAZY THING TO SAY.BUT THATS HOW IM FEELING RIGHT BOUT NOW... DAMN.. FROM BEING NICE TO ONE COLD PERSON JOIN THIS WORLD. HOPE I GET THIS JOB... CAUSE AS SOON AS THAT HAPPEN PPL GOINNA BE ASKIN WHY???? UGHHHHH ENOUGH WORDS I'LL BE BACK.

Not Enough WORDS To Much To Understand

im such a fckin good person... but damn why do i continue to get hurt. i would go thur fire for certain ppl in my life.... but the question is would they do the same for me... damn i feel myself dyin i just havnt told anyone.... i feel like im screamin but everybody actin deaf.... sometimes i feel so alone and at times i need a hug. but i guess to others i dnt deserve either... i HATE feeling like my best wasnt good enough. when all yu did was show me your worst... man fck this im done!

He Loves Me He Loves Me Not...

OMFG! DAMNNNNNN. Just as i wrote my last post he txts me.... we start jokin as usual. than i say "Lol.Yu Love Me???" Nd damn he has yet to txt back... that hurt like hell. i can't even cry i think my tear ducks are broken or something.... ='''( the worst thing yu can do is give some one silence to a yes or no question... i would have like a response... im just so hurt man i never thought i would be going thur this..... smh i m gone.............

Unstopped LOVED

Damn i think i spoke to soon on that last post. smfh! as soon as i thought some good was comin back to us. he once again proves he could GAF about me. nd if he do so called care or love me has a fck up way of showin it.like come on. all i ever did was care nd love for him. i never had nothin negative to say or share.like damn no disrespect. no fck that i do mean to disrespect. how the fck yu say one thing nd do some nxt shit. that really blows mines to the nxt level. but time nd time again my love stays strong. nd only keeps growin..how come you hurt the person that cares bout yu the most don't get me wrong I LOVE MYSELF 1ST & FOREMOST IN LIFE. but damn when i finally decide to show my feelings i get somebody ass to kiss. like damn i dare not look for men. even when i go out with my girls. when i do talk to someone i put ppl in a group like ooh yu just a friend or a potential. i NEVER went lookin for no man. but damn i never seem to be in a relationship. like damn thats crazy. im so fckin depress right now. i been cryin nd shit.. im in so much pain i just want it to stop.