Friday, April 30, 2010

Day 1... Happy.=)

So it took me a Whole week. in counting 7 full days to get over a 7 1/2 month Fling. Now im not saying its not a thought on my mind. i just came to the conclusion that HIS Happiness Is Not Mine To Have.. i realizes this is truely a life lesson. one to grow with nd not to forget but to remember so that i won't make this mistake again.... dnt get me wrong he truely is a good guy. with a good heart just a lil off track at that moment finding himself.... i dnt blame him for any heartbreak or tears i've cryed. he has some what turned into my best friend. nd i love him dearly. nd would be there for him. just not in a romantic way anymore. maybe in the future but as of right now we are JUST friends we can still hang. no problem. i would not intfer in any of his relationships. nd i hope he would do the same....


for a week i just cryed... txtin him was hard. some of the things he said should not have been said at that moment. cause my state of mind was off. nd not once did i curse his name. all i ask was WHY?


i some what think he knows the pain he cause because we have yet to see each other in the physical. for the past week. nd everytime we do make plans to meet something always seems to come up. which is funny. i have to laugh cause its sorta cute. but in all we both have to face our issuse... i have to let him know whats on my mind. cause i need to grow from this.. it's crazy at this very moment im actually smiling . just cause i made myself happy.



OMG. CHEREI ACTUALLY HAPPY.=) no lie it finally feels good to let all my pain go... now waiting for the right guy to come along. maybe today or nxt week. or nxt month.or even nxt year. all i know is that Cherei loves herself more than any man could ever love her.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Fights Between My Heart & Mind.

So i must be confused or crazy... cause lately i havnt been thinking with my mind but more on what my heart been going thur. my heart needs to be in a ER somewhere.... its beat up.. but it still beating nd its still loves HIM. But Why??? in my mind im blacking im cancelin everything. they not agreein on nothing....




pass few days have been the most heart-breaking times in my life. if someone would of told me i would feel like this. the day i met him. i would have ran .. never thought he would hurt me so bad.. i cry about it i try my best to sleep it off but i got so many memories it haunts me in my sleep.


i wonder do he think bout me do he even care bout me. i thought he did. for the pass 3 days we ain't been talking the same.. nd it hurt so bad. smh... it's been days i wanted to curse him out. nd then it's days i just wanna cuddle with him. i wish this was a bad dream. cause this right here ain't feeling to good.



i swear i never love someone so much than i do him. i want to be with him so bad. but ... something is holdin him back. for the past 7 months he has made me happy. kept me smilin.... he dnt understand. he won't talk to me like really sit down nd talk to me.

i hate crying. but my heart hurtin so bad.but still my love is strong nd i still have hope but why. i want them good days back..... BACK TO THOSE JUPITER LOVE Days.I Miss My Love,=(


i know i lost my best friend,my lover, my capo....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Once In a Lifetime

Now Playing- USHER- U Got It Bad.




I Really Do. I Stop Going Out Not Cause I Can't. I Just Rather Spend My Time With HIM.
I Have Changed My Plans Just To Spend Time With HIM.
When We Not Talkin. My Whole Day Seems To Be A Wreck.


He Like My Smile. Nd When He Leave It Goes Wiht HIM..

Dnt Get Me Wrong I LOVE Myself MORE Than ANYTHING.

I Just Got It BAD.

{FAST}PAIN...Dies Slow.

........


I Dnt know where to start... my mind just keep movin. emotionally i can't keep up......
i think i cry myself to sleep for the past two months. =/ i guess im tryna think clearer by cryin since it's so rare to me.....

i never thought i would feel the way i do now... smh.......

i seen something i dnt think i was suppose to see...
for a while i felt a sudden change in My Love. shit was changin. them mornin txts stop comin from him first. lil nicknames were rare nd far between. i held on tho.. what can i say i truely fell i found my love.



i seen HER picture... nd all i could say to myself was What Bout Me???? My Feelings Were Bruised. what had i missed. what happened to us... Why Was Someone Takin My Love From Me...... But Yet I Told Myself Thur Thick & Thin Im Standin My Ground. I LOVE HIM JUST THAT MUCH.I Wonder If He Know..

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Crazy Glue the Piece

soooo. lately all i tweet. blog or speak about is LOVE. i keep thinking bout it to the point of silence. i care to realize that somethings are a blessing in disgust....

Monday, April 12, 2010

Tha L- Word

Love is not simply it takes time to grow. nd mature. if yu feel yu have a good thing dnt give up on it. work it out till theres no more workin out... trust nd believe if yu lookin for love. love could have already found yu. it's just waitin for yu to realize it......

a {run} A way

Sometimes i Feel NUMB. just like a picture in a FRAME. just a moment take it in just a thought from my brain like a tear from my eye that has dried. like a long awaited sleep. a nightmare that wont end. a dream that will never come. Take it in and Just BREATH..........

Sunday, April 11, 2010

UNSPOKEN Like Infidelity

So i never cheated before... but when i did lose interest in a person. i usually told them to they faces. nd then go M.I.A. cause i dnt wanna discuss why I'm doin such a thing....



In Reality I never had a real relationships. more like flings that went wrong.... my heart has been beat up. stomp on.broken. into pieces. till the point of not no longer beatin correctly.. hmmm such a shame. right. i come to deal with it in silence. stayin to myself... but now that has changed... this one person who came it to my life when i was in one of my numbin stages. warmed up a spot in my dead heart nd started it beatin. as we continued our lil thing. with yet no commitment. i grew to appreciate nd cherish this. to the point my heart started feelin funny a week ago...



every time i would talk to him or see him. touch him. my heart skipped beats. i would be afraid to say certain things. his opions started matterin to me. he is the closes person to ever be allowed to get that close to me... nd all while this is happenin me being blinded by this new feeling. he lost interested or so i assumed. actions speak louder than words.... nd i started hearin my heart break very slowly. .. lately i been in pain so bad... to the point of numbness. I'm in a blank stage of my life. i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. i use to have so much hope in us. now its a ? mark....



do i still believe there could be a us..... well of course. I'm in love...but at the same time. I'm becomin a broken heart lost soul..... i told him.. nd i use to be able to tell what he would say. but now I'm so confused. my feelings have took over...


i hate how this is going. why can't i have what everybody else seems to be havin... the worst pain known to mankind is LOVING SOMEONE ND NOT KNOWIN IF THEY LOVE YU BACK THE SAME... everyday the pain hurts more nd more. i want it to stop. so i sleep my days away. but damn how i still dream bout them. to the point of wakin me up at night. i sit nd think to myself alot. what can i do to fix this. i come up with blanks.... I'm just so tired.. mentally,physically,emotionally................

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Incomplete.

i swear i belive im boarderline crazy... like everything in my life is incomplete. i feel like i been in the same spot for the past 9 months of my life. nothin every seems to stay good. its like buyin a glass vase. yea it may look pretty but look a lil closer nd the shit got a damn crack in it. so yu know its just a matter of time before the shit breaks....


im always tryna find happiness in all the wroung places. i keep thinkin bout what i want. instead of what i need..smh. i look for a love. but yet i hate majority of everything. i put a smile on my face. cause i hate for ppl to ask whats wrong... i like to keep my feelings to myself. i admit i am a very stubborn person. but IDGAF in words.ppl always hurt other ppl to make themselves feel better.



ventin like a motherfcker.......

My Lifes Lessons



Ahh, who wanna bet us that we don't touch leathers
Stack cheddars forever, live treacherous all the et ceteras
To the death of us, me and my confidants, we shine
You feel the ambiance, y'all niggaz just rhyme
By the ounce dough accumulates like snow
We don't just shine, we illuminate the whole show; you feel me?"-Jay Z (Dead President)Reasonable Doubt {June 25, 1996}<