So i never cheated before... but when i did lose interest in a person. i usually told them to they faces. nd then go M.I.A. cause i dnt wanna discuss why I'm doin such a thing....
In Reality I never had a real relationships. more like flings that went wrong.... my heart has been beat up. stomp on.broken. into pieces. till the point of not no longer beatin correctly.. hmmm such a shame. right. i come to deal with it in silence. stayin to myself... but now that has changed... this one person who came it to my life when i was in one of my numbin stages. warmed up a spot in my dead heart nd started it beatin. as we continued our lil thing. with yet no commitment. i grew to appreciate nd cherish this. to the point my heart started feelin funny a week ago...
every time i would talk to him or see him. touch him. my heart skipped beats. i would be afraid to say certain things. his opions started matterin to me. he is the closes person to ever be allowed to get that close to me... nd all while this is happenin me being blinded by this new feeling. he lost interested or so i assumed. actions speak louder than words.... nd i started hearin my heart break very slowly. .. lately i been in pain so bad... to the point of numbness. I'm in a blank stage of my life. i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. i use to have so much hope in us. now its a ? mark....
do i still believe there could be a us..... well of course. I'm in love...but at the same time. I'm becomin a broken heart lost soul..... i told him.. nd i use to be able to tell what he would say. but now I'm so confused. my feelings have took over...
i hate how this is going. why can't i have what everybody else seems to be havin... the worst pain known to mankind is LOVING SOMEONE ND NOT KNOWIN IF THEY LOVE YU BACK THE SAME... everyday the pain hurts more nd more. i want it to stop. so i sleep my days away. but damn how i still dream bout them. to the point of wakin me up at night. i sit nd think to myself alot. what can i do to fix this. i come up with blanks.... I'm just so tired.. mentally,physically,emotionally................
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My Lifes Lessons
Ahh, who wanna bet us that we don't touch leathers
Stack cheddars forever, live treacherous all the et ceteras
To the death of us, me and my confidants, we shine
You feel the ambiance, y'all niggaz just rhyme
By the ounce dough accumulates like snow
We don't just shine, we illuminate the whole show; you feel me?"-Jay Z (Dead President)Reasonable Doubt {June 25, 1996}<
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